When All Is Said and Done
Dysfunctional isn’t something about yourself that you like to share … particularly if it has the word family after it … but in my opinion most families go through it at times. It’s kind of like a teeter/totter in that sometimes you’re on top and sometimes you’re on the bottom … but rarely do you just sit there perfectly balanced. The times that happens it is more like you are treading water.
I’ve noticed from some of the comments and emails I’ve received that I’ve given the impression my family is on the higher end of functional. I have to admit that most of the time we are happy … but we’ve spent our share of time on the bottom of the totter. Our parents taught us to be survivors and I hope Lynn and I passed that on to our kids. You just have to keep on keeping on.
I don’t think anything really prepares you for disasters and hard times in your life. They just happen when they happen. When Lynn and I got married he was a student at the University of Utah. He had been on a 2 1/2 year mission for our church so he was studying hard to catch up and get through college but the draft was threatening to take him out of school and send him off to war, so he joined the ROTC. From the moment we fell in love I worried about him going to Vietnam. I couldn’t think of anything worse than having him go to war. By the time he went we had two very small children and sending him off was the hardest thing I’d had to do up to that point … and the hardest thing he’d had to do. Young and inexperienced as we were, little did we know that year would slowly work its way to the bottom of the hardest things we’ve had to face in our forty one years of marriage.
In raising our family we’ve experienced traumatic head injury, depression, divorce, schizophrenia, drug & alcohol addiction, long term illness, deaths, financial burdens, frustrations, weight problems, aggravations, grudges, jealousy, and anger. At times it has felt pretty dysfunctional. Many times I’ve wanted to shout “uncle” … and sometimes I’ve wanted to give up … but it hasn’t ever really been an option. The only option has been to keep on keeping on and sometimes it hasn’t been very fun.
I try not to “dwell” on the bad stuff (although sometimes I catch myself wallowing and have to kick my own backside). It’s like getting stuck in a muddy rut. If you stay there very long without moving you start to sink and if you wait too long you’re stuck and can’t get out by yourself.
The point of all this is … hmm … I know there was a point when I started but now I don’t know what it was. Maybe it was just to make sure people know we are a normal family, whatever that is. Maybe the point was to say “Rah Rah … don’t give up” if times get hard. Or maybe the point was to remind myself of all my blessings … because I do have a wonderful family and the hard times have made us stronger. When all is said and done the family is the most important of all and I wouldn’t trade mine for anything.
Understanding comes through experience. I offer my shoulder and ears to people who go through these same experiences. I know it helps.
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You’re still an inspiration, just knowing that there have been so many lows in your life. You don’t have to be perfect for me to respect you, just doing your best like you’ve been doing, and staying upbeat the way your posts almost always are.