Grandma Henke

I don’t think I can do this justice.   I probably shouldn’t even attempt it.   It is rather embarrassing that as I get older some of the bodily functions that at one point in my life were taboo to speak of now make me bust up with laughter.

Okay:    Background to this story:

*  I have a very bad cough.                                                                          *  When I cough … or laugh … it seems to force either/or air or water from my body that is no longer be under my control.                                              *  I have a very funny husband.   He forces me to laugh all the time.   It’s a serious problem.   He does it on purpose!                                                                                                                           So, Lynn came home tonight and said:  “I heard some real interesting trivia today.” (He is the trivia king)  “The average adult farts (I’m sorry but that’s exactly how he said it) 14 times a day.”      (I’m thinking they are talking about the average young adult, not the average old adult.)

I think … “Good thing he’s been gone all day, with this cough of mine I am probably ahead.”

We sit down to watch a movie (Mama Mia) and eat donuts … and we slip and eat too many donuts … again … and well, donuts make gas.             Meanwhile, from my comfortable position on the sofa I am doing a lot of coughing and tooting but I don’t think Lynn has noticed because the movie and my cough are both loud.   Lynn is sitting in a reclined position right close by.     We are laughing at the movie and all kinds of silly old people talk so I am coughing a lot.

Suddenly out of the blue Lynn says “Well, that’s probably 12 of the 14.”

Me … I don’t get it.    “What?”

He starts laughing hard because I don’t get it.   “I said, ‘That’s probably 12 out of the 14.’”

It dawns on me.  He’s been counting!    I don’t know how he could know with all the noise going on.  I know there has been no odor!    I am in a huff!   “You’ve been counting?    That’s rude!   What kind of a gentleman are you?”

He laughs even harder until he can’t talk … so of course I start laughing, which makes me cough harder and before long I have to clench every muscle in my body as I realize my bladder has joined in the fun.

“Stop!   Stop! I’m going to wet my pants!   You are so rude!”

This makes him laugh so hard tears are running down his cheeks.  “No … No” he finally gasps out …”I didn’t mean you were at 12!   I meant I was at 12 and only had 2 left!”

“Ahhhhh hahahaha” I scream out in a cough as I make a mad dash for the bathroom and run smack into my son in law who wants to know what is so darn funny.

“You will have to ask your father in law,” I inform him as I push past him to my bedroom.

I sense a lot of happy years ahead for Lynn and I as our muscles get weaker and weaker and we laugh more and more.   Our children will soon be afraid to take us out in public!