The Fifth Memory of Christmas

Today’s memory is brought to you via our Christmas Letter from 1977.  Just so you know …  We have five children, our youngest being born May 5, 1977, and our oldest turning 9 on December 9, 1977.    

“Twas the week before Christmas, and all through our house

Not one person was pleasant, not even our mouse.

The whole fam’ly was sick, with some kind of flu,

Even PaPa was home having aches and pains too.

And he with his hanky, to catch all the sneezing,

Was trying to help MaMa reduce some of the wheezing.

And Kimmy, the baby, so sweet and so happy,

Had just settled down for her afternoon nappy.

When from her room there arose such a clatter,

We sprang from our sick beds to see what was the matter.

She was jolly and plump, a real cute little elf …

But I gagged when I saw her, in spite of myself.

She was covered with poop from her head to her feet,

And so was her blanket, and pillow, and sheet.

Lynn spoke not a word but went straight to his work,

Since she’d filled both her stockings, she went with a jerk

To the john, and was stripped and put in her tubby,

By St. Nick himself, who looked just like my hubby.

He laid both of his fingers aside of his nose,

As the smell from the child in the tubby arose.

And giving a sigh and a nod of his head,

He sent me to clean up the stuff in her bed.

She cleaned up quite well and and was smelling quite nice,

When I saw Lynn in his work clothes and splashing Old Spice.

And I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight.

“It’s much safer at work.   I’ll see you tonight!”

3 Responses to “The Fifth Memory of Christmas”

  1. I think we now refer to those days as “the good old days” …?? But then that may because our memories are going??? Made me laugh again – thanks!

  2. Hilarious! Most poems based on “The Night Before Christmas” don’t get the meter right. You did, and told a great story, too.

  3. Oh my! This is hilarious! So clever. I vaguely remember a Christmas letter you wrote in ‘scripture’ (at least I think/hope it was you). I just remember that I thought it was genius and so much more fun to read than the average family newsletter.