Grandma Henke

I’ve been trying to figure out why these years are called the golden years and I think I have!    It’s because once you are over 55 it costs a lot of gold to keep your body going. There are all kinds of weird maintenance tests you are encouraged to have done. It’s called “preventative medicine”. Ewwwwwwww

This week I went to the doctor for an annual check up so I could get some ongoing prescriptions renewed.     He said, “Mrs. Henke, when was your last mammogram?”      Oh gee … let’s see … uh … hmm … I can’t remember.   “That long, huh?” he said,  ” I am going to schedule you for one.    And, by the way, when was your last colonoscopy?”     That was a lot easier to answer but I hardly dared tell him …. never.    He informed me he was scheduling me for one of those too, since I should have had my first one five years ago.  I had the mammogram already and it didn’t bother me too much even though it’s low on my list of things I like to do … but the other?   Just thinking about it brings unladylike words to my mind.  

I know if a doctor has seen one rear end he’s “seen them all” … but my rear end is … well … mine, and I don’t like to show it around, you know?   Maybe I’d feel different if it was about half the size, but I don’t think so.   I’ve always been rather protective of that particular area of my torso.

Okay, okay … I know that these things are created for a good purpose and I am going to get it done so don’t go thinking up a lecture for me, but I have to wonder why anyone would choose to do that for a living, especially when there are a gillion medical specialties they could have chosen from … why would you choose to look up people’s you know what’s every hour of every day?   I figure it must be one of the highest paying jobs in the medical field to make a person want to roll out of bed and go to work every day.    Either that or they had a horrible childhood trauma that has not been resolved.      I bet everywhere they go people are dodging around aisles to avoid eye contact, which may not even be necessary since it’s probably not your face they will remember.

I’ll let you know how it all comes down … unless it kills me, which statistically isn’t very likely.    But seriously … all kidding aside, if you are 55 or over … it’s time to get it done.    Everybody knows somebody who should have had it done who didn’t.    As unpleasant as it sounds, a colonoscopy doesn’t kill, but undetected cancer does.   See your doctor.