Grandma Henke

Spring has sprung in Southern Utah … and pollens are adrift. You’d think that something as beautiful as nature would be a little easier on us. It’s strange but I didn’t have any allergies before we moved to the desert and now I have them everywhere I go. Maybe it’s aging or maybe it’s just that once it gets started there is no stopping it. Even my dog, Lady, has allergies here. Maybe we’re allergic to each other, who knows. You might wonder what causes allergies:

Answer: People think it’s a matter of the immune system not functioning, but it’s actually overreacting. The immune system goes into a state of hyperactivity and responds to pollens by releasing histamine, which is the chemical that causes all the symptoms.

I was surprised when my allergist told me that it is the immune system that is at the bottom of allergies because I have an auto immune disease and I have blamed everything that ever goes wrong with my health on that but my allergies … now I wonder. I’m ready to blame not only allergies but also my weight problem and my cluttered garage on my immune system. Why not?

Okay, so you’re asking me … or you would if you knew me very well … why I have a dog and a cat if I have such bad allergies. Good question. No good answer.

I’ve been sleeping with the window open at night if you can believe that. I know better … I just wasn’t thinking it was Spring yet. It seems to me like it should still be 2007. I’ll blame that on my immune system too. I get soooo hot at night … and I’d like to blame that on anything but my age. I just discovered that hotflashes aren’t as common in non-western cultures. Now that’s not fair! I also just read that thinner women may experience more of them since fat cells convert hormones into estrogen … so its wise to carry extra weight during menopause? Holy cow, who would have thought! And while we’re at it … when does it stop? Lynn always tells me he’d just like to harness the energy from my flashes and turn it into electricity and save a bundle by keeping me around. His latest idea is for me to power my computer with hot flashes. If he could get that to work we’d be millionaires now wouldn’t we?

I know you’re bored … but let’s don’t forget overactive bladders while we’re at it. Or … the loss of pucker power in self control. Just when your body slows down and you can’t move as fast, your bladder speeds up and you need to move faster. My body has been trained to the toilet like Pavlov’s dogs to food. I can hold it until I see the toilet … then instead of my mouth starting to water … well you get the drift. I’ll just blame it on the immunity disorder like everything else.

Eyesight is a sore spot too. If I don’t start wearing the glasses in the morning I can see long distance all day. If I put the glasses on to read (they are now trifocals) I have to use them all day to read and can’t see long distance. I’m told it’s part of “aging” … I’d rather blame the immune system. Oh … and cataracts … I thought only really old people got those … humph. And mine aren’t bad enough to fix, just bad enough to annoy.

Then there is heartburn if I eat anything with a smidgen of seasoning. Things I used to eat now bite back. That used to only happen when I was pregnant. I think there is definitely a conspiracy against old people. I want to know who’s behind it, too.

Just today I saw an article in the local Senior Sampler about dancing senior ladies … all older than I am. They were in little dance costumes showing off their cute legs … all looking so healthy. Obviously they aren’t couch potatoes. There must really be something to this thing called “exercise”.