It’s Time to Replace the "G B S"
I’m thinking it’s time to have a face to face talk with the British dude who is supposed to keep us from getting lost while driving around in strange cities! I think he’s been tipping the bottle if you know what I mean. What’s more, I think he gets his jollies out of getting us lost. I don’t know what his deal is.
He’s been telling us to turn too soon and then gloats while he directs us back to the road we were on. Sometimes I swear I can hear him sneer. I think he’s burned out, tired of his job, and bored out of his gourd … but why take it out on us? We hired him in good faith. Oh yeah, he also never apologizes.
I don’t know about you, but our car doesn’t measure yards. Give me a break! "After 800 yards turn right, then, after 200 yards, turn left." Why can’t he just speak my language and say, "Turn right at McDonald’s and make a left at Taco Time!" I have no clue how long it takes to drive a car 800 yards and it is even harder to figure out in a motor home.
I have to admit, it was much worse when Lynn decided to give Arnold Schwartzenegger a try. That lasted for less than an hour before I was begging the British guy to come back. I would have even settled for the not so smart but sexy female who conjures up a visual of Marilyn Monroe in a low cut evening gown.
Last night we were coming home from Sizzler’s and found ourselves behind a warehouse at the dead end of a dark, narrow street. This happened right after British man told us to, "Turn right and then keep on going straight." The guy must have secretly been given a contract to take us out! At a minimum he needs glasses!
When we were in Sacramento we needed to go to Costco, which we were told was less than four miles from where we were staying. First we had to stop at JoAnn’s for some yarn and that was maybe two miles in the opposite direction. Lynn put both addresses in the GBS. Okay, so we’re leaving JoAnn’s with the yarn and this annoying man starts taking us on strange streets, weaving in and out of traffic, off and on highways until finally we find ourselves on the Interstate headed off into the wild blue yonder.
I’m biting my tongue and crocheting faster and faster because we have already had several lengthy discussions (like Alice and her man) while driving around lost in various other cities and states. I’ve used up all the whiny words in my vocabulary over this fellow I’ve never even met.
"Wait a minute," says Lynn scratching his head. "This doesn’t say 4.1 miles, it says 401 miles."
I’m thinking the dude has somehow locked all the car doors and windows and we we are being hijacked, but my window still rolls down so I suggest that maybe he’s taking us to a Costco in … say … Mexico!
Maybe the guy’s got a personal grudge. If you drop a GBS (you can guess what the BS stands for) does it physically hurt the people inside?
Our new iphones have GPS’s in them but they are pretty small and you would have to hold it up close to your eyes with the right hand while the left hand takes over all of the driving. You’d have to divide your brain into two equal parts, too, and I don’t know about your brain but my brain doesn’t work well when I divide it in half.
I grudgingly admit we are far too chicken to make this kind of a journey without the faceless man. We used to get lost much more often and for far lengthier periods of time when one of us drove while the other gave useless directions using a map. At least this way it isn’t "our" fault when we get lost.
What model GPS have you been using? The one that came built into my wife’s Van is terrible. But we’ve been pretty happy overall with our Garmin. Granted, we probably haven’t put it through its paces like you guys have.
So I finally got around to reading some of your blog posts and I am glad I did. They are very fun to read. Happy travels!
I seriously HATE GPS things! I bought my husband one because he wanted to use it for geocacheing… which is fine… until he starts to use it for actual directions…
Like going back to my house (where my roommate still lived) and he wanted to follow the GPS which told us to go on this old highway which had become a residential street when we could have just stayed on the main road and gotten there faster actually. And it’s not like I didn’t know how to get there considering I used to LIVE there!
I’m lucky, I’m actually quite good with maps so we don’t use the GPS because it just causes arguments!
For the most part we are real happy with the GPS. When I don’t turn soon enough or turn too soon, ( it can’t see the strange layout of some streets) it immediately reconfigures and puts us on the proper course. I do have nostalgia for that sexy british gal we used to listen to. I think she did a much better job too.
oh edna! i am crying in tears, pain and sheer hysteria at this! i dont know if i should hide from view (being that i’m a brit) or if i should be all defensive and protect the silly man!!
oh how i love your humour and can just imagine the frustrations…..but do you really think its a bad thing to visit costco in mexico??
just asking!!!
luv ya lots edna, you rock!!
You said you would be home either Sat. or Sun. Really?? With or without the GBS? Good luck! You two better get your pass ports – you never know ::)
Oh this gave me a good laugh. I could picture you two cruising around. You dropping a few cuss words while Lynn stared off into his own little world. Hilarious and very well written.
Well think about it, Edna. Living all cramped inside the car’s or RV’s dash, or wherever you’ve stashed him, he probably gets tired, no potty breaks either, plus he could be annoyed because you haven’t offered him one of those steak runs you obviously are treating yourselves to. Throw him a taco bell now and then, or maybe one of those colorful knitted caps!
Thanks, Shane … I think yours are fun to read too. You have such a cute family!
Our GPS is a TomTom 350 I think … I wish I could find a really good one to get Lynn for Christmas. Any suggestions?
Krista we finally made it home even with the GPS leading us astray at times! We had a wonderful trip. NEXT time we can maybe get together! By then you will have two little bambinos!
Ha Deb … don’t encourage me too much because I thrive on positive reinforcement! Our little man got us home so I suppose he’s not all bad!
Thanks, Brett … I need to get back into the writing mode now that we are connected good again. We sure had a fun trip and it doesn’t seem like we could have really been gone for six months. I wish we were going to be there for Christmas!
I date a British fellow. I’ve learned to listen to the first few words, the last few words and attempt to fill in the middle. Sometimes that works. Sometimes not so much. My father switched his GPS over to the British Bloke in your system… he turned it off after an hour of “not understanding a darned word…”
Your dad is a smart guy! Tell him not even to think about the one that sounds like the Queen of England!
Garmin is the only word you need remember, Now it’s just choosing what type and I’d look online at there website http://www.garmin.com There pricey, but they are the best!
TomTom….well lets say that I think they SuckSuck!! I learned about GPS and what brands have the best product for what your paying for when I worked at Cabelas. Just thought this would help.